


I don't love you

by Bigbaldflanery



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anxiety, Based on a My Chemical Romance Song, But he's not that much of an ass, Depression, Drinking, F/M, Gerard seems like an ass, Heartbreak, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Nerd Frank Iero
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-21
Packaged: 2018-09-10 16:00:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8923426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bigbaldflanery/pseuds/Bigbaldflanery
Summary: Inspired by the song 'I don't love you' He missed Gerard. No matter how many times he tried to forget him, he couldn't. Sometimes he wondered if Gerard missed him too, or even just thought about him from time to time. He always came to the conclusion that he was being completely ridiculous to even consider that to be true though. Gerard is over him, he is okay and he is happy. Frank just had to find a way to do the same.





	1. Chapter 1

Frank looked down at his phone. A notification that Gerard had posted on twitter appeared on the lock screen. He sighed lightly and placed his phone back onto the table. He wasn't sure why he still got notifications about Gerard. It was probably because he never really got round to turning them off, or didn't have to heart to more like. When MCR ended so did their relationship. Actually, the reason chem ended was because of their breakup, however the fans didn't know this. He missed it, a lot. Not just playing with the guys, not the adrenalin of being on stage with his best friends, not even just the fans. He missed Gerard. No matter how many times he tried to forget him, he couldn't. Sometimes he wondered if Gerard missed him too, or even just thought about him from time to time. He always came to the conclusion that he was being completely ridiculous to even consider that to be true though. Gerard is over him, he is okay and he is happy. Frank just had to find a way to do the same.

To clear his head he went down to his favourite bar. He couldn't stand laying in bed feeling sorry for himself any longer and he had to get out of this God forsaken house. The house him and Gerard made so many memories in. Frank constantly blamed himself for what happened. They never came out to anyone other than Ray and Mikey and one day he suggested they came out to their fans. It seemed like a great idea at the time. They loved eachother and everyone should have known that. Except Gee didn't think it was such a great idea.

*flash back*

"Frank no" Gerard said seriously. He was growing increasingly more frustrated.   
"Why the hell not?" Frank asked again.  
"Are you ashamed of me?" He yelled

"Of course not, I just don't want people to know right now okay? Isn't that enough for you? Can you not respect me enough to deal with it?"

Frank stared at him with his puppy dog eyes. He was sick of hiding, sick of waiting, sick of pretending he didn't love the man infront of him.

"You don't do you? You know what Frank? Fuck you. You obviously don't respect me or my wishes. We're fucking done!" Gerard yelled.

Frank's heart immediately shattered. Nervously, he tried to find words to say, yet he couldn't. He spluttered and stuttered but he couldn't bring himself to speak.

"Y-you don't mean that...right?" He finally whispered with tears flowing freely down his cheeks. Gerard's face suddenly softened yet he nodded seriously. "I think it's for the best" he said and walked off without a single word more, leaving Frank to break down and sob into his knees. He felt weak, pathetic and useless but he didn't even care. His entire world was crashing down on him all at once, engulfing him in a wave of sadness.

*end of flash back*

  
The bar was fairly quiet tonight, which he was thankful for. He was a regular there, most people knew who he was. He'd get the odd fan or two asking for a picture sometimes, which he'd quite happily accept, however usually he could just relax and drink most of his problems away.

"My usual please" he said to the barmaid. "Sure thing" she smiled and poured him a beer. Within a matter of a few minutes his drink was finished and he placed the glass on the counter. What happened next however he did not expect, not in a million years.

"Frank?" A familar voice called his name. It sounded foreign to his ears because of not hearing it for so long but there was no mistake whose voice it was. He turned around slowly on his stool and saw him standing there. He'd changed so much, yet seemed just as perfect as he was three years ago. His heart sank as he again tried to splutter out words.

"G-gerard?"


	2. You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frank and Gee catch up and take a hard walk down memory lane

Awkward was an understatement. Frank had no idea what to say. Perhaps conversation would have been a lot easier if they'd remained friends after what had happened. However they didn't, they hadn't had a conversation in years and neither of them had any idea how to start now.   
"How have you been?" Gerard asked awkwardly.  
"Good, I've been good. You?" Frank lied. He could feel his heart beating faster and faster.   
"Yeah, good too"   
Now back to awkawrd silence. Frank sighed subtly and continued to drink his second pint. "How's Mikey?" Frank asked trying to cut the silence.   
"He's engaged and has a baby on the way, so yeah, pretty good" Gee chuckled.   
"I'm happy for him; he deserves it" 

Gerard nodded and smiled, however Frank wasn't smiling. He couldn't stop himself from envying the youngest Way. He was going to marry the person he loved and become a father. While Frank was sat awkwardly next to the person he loved, who had probably forgotten he'd even existed until now. 

"What about you, married? Kids?" Frank couldn't help himself but ask, even though he knew he probably couldn't take the answer.   
"Nah, you?"   
Frank shook his head. 

A few drinks later they were both drunk. Gerard ordered shots for them which definitely increased the drunkness. It was strong, Frank had been drinking so much within the last 3 years he struggled to get drunk. Yet this shot had him a giggling mess. It dawned on him that it was the first time in a while he'd giggled or laughed or even smiled. Until it dawned on him that after tonight he would probably never see Gee again. 

Frank thought that Gerard didn't love him anymore. Yet he couldn't be more wrong. Gerard regretted what he did so damn much. He'd tried other relationships, but every man or woman somehow reminded him of Frank and he just couldn't stay with them. He wanted nothing more than to apologise for that night, but he didn't know how. He couldn't do it over text, that'd be meaningless and he hasn't had a chance to speak to him since that day. But he had a chance now and he was drunk and confident enough to take it. 

"Frankie?" Gerard said softly. Frank's heart dropped, Gee used to call him Frankie all the time. He looked to him and nodded. "Yeah?"  
"I'm sorry"   
"Huh?"   
"For years ago, we didn't exactly leave off on a good note" he said.   
"It's fine" was all Frank could say, another lie.   
Gerard shook his head and put a hand on Frank's shoulder. "No it isn't, I was a total dick. I shouldn't have gone that far. It was only a stupid right"   
He sighed heavily and looked down. "It was only a stupid fight" he repeated, softer and quieter this time.   
Frank had no idea what to say. He wanted to be mad at Gerard, but he couldn't. As much as he tried not to, he still loved this man.   
"The fight was dumb, it shouldn't have happened. I over reacted and look where that got me. I broke the hearts of thousands of fans. But they weren't the only hearts I broke. I also broke the heart of the most important person to me in the world" he took a small pause and looked the younger man in the eyes. 

"You"


	3. You haven't lost me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard admits he messed up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is pretty short. I hope you enjoyed it anyway ^-^

Frank was speechless. He was trying to figure out what exactly Gerard meant. Did he mean that he _was_  the most important or that he still is? Either way, the corners of his mouth tugged into a slight smile.

Gerard wasn't smiling though, he was looking down solumly at his lap trying to avoid eye contact with the younger man. "Gee" Frank said quietly. Gerard looked up at him with watery eyes. "It's ok" Frank whispered. "It's ok" Gee shook his head. "No it's not! I screwed up, I lost my band, I lost my best friends, me and Mikey aren't as close as before and I lost you. I lost you Frankie" he cried.

Frank's heart sunk. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe Gerard did miss him, and did think about him. Maybe he felt exactly the same way as he did. Maybe, just maybe, they still have something. He reached out and lifted Gee's chin. "Our band continues within our fans, Ray is just a text away. Mikey has always adored you, again message away. And me, I'm right here. You haven't lost me. God damnit Gee you never lost me" he said and without second thought wrapped his arms tightly around Gerard's neck.

It felt almost the same as before. He smelt the same, the way his heart beat against his chest was the same, the way Frank had to stand on his tip toes to reach him properly was the same. But something was missing, the connection? Back then they were a couple, there was no awkawrdness. Yet this whole night had been nothing but awkawrd.

"I missed you" Gerard whispered. "I missed you so much" Frank couldn't stop himself from smiling like a total dork. He prayed that this wasn't just a dream, because it was amazing. And God it just felt so real. He really hoped it was real. "Tomorrow" Gerard said. "Let's get coffee tomorrow. I don't want this to be the last time I see you again" Frank smiled so much on the inside. From what started as a crappy day has turned into one of the best days he's had in years. He nodded. "Okay, I'd like that"


	4. Panic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frank goes to meet Gerard at the cafe, but has a panic attack. Luckily there's a certain someone there to help him through it

Neither of them were in any fit state to drive so they called for a cab to take them home. Before leaving the taxi Gerard looked at Frank one last time.

"So tomorrow...Coffee?" 

Frank smiled and nodded

"You still got my number?" He asked.

Frank felt his cheeks flush red as he nodded. He felt embarrassed that he'd kept it for so long, yet he couldn't bring himself to delete it. Gee nodded and then walked to his front door. 

If anything, Frank was thankful that he hadn't decided to stay in the house all day because if he did he never would have met Gerard again, and he wouldn't be smiling as much as he was now. 

As soon as he reached his house he crashed onto the sofa and fell asleep. Despite only going to a cafe, he was extremely excited for tomorrow. It was hard though, being around Gerard and it not being like before. Well, even back then they had to be careful not to be caught. However on their own they could act like the couple they were as much as they wanted. Except now they weren't a couple. They were just strangers with memories making a poor attempt at mending themselves.

He prayed that it wasn't just the alcohol speaking and that Gee truly had missed him. Even if he did, what was the point? Things could never be the same as they were before. Or...maybe they could. 

In the morning Frank showered, shaved and actually made an effort with his hair. Seriously, he looked like a new man when he made an effort with his appearance. For the last few months or so he'd given up on trying to make himself look good. What was the point?   
Every man he met was never good enough for him, because every man he met wasn't Gerard. They could never be as good as Gee. 

He checked his watch, it was almost 9am; the time he said he'd meet Gerard. The cafe they'd planned to meet up at was only a 10 minute walk away from his apartment so it wouldn't take too long to get there. 

Suddenly, an overwhelming wave of anxiety took over him. What if Gerard had just stood him up? His breaths became quick and choppy as his shakey hands reached for something to grab on to. For fuck sake, did he have to have a panic attack right now? Cautiously, he grabbed the wall closest to him and tried to slow down his breathing. Out of no where he felt a hand on his shoulder, making him jump and make a pathetic yelp. 

"Hey, Frankie it's just me. It's Gee alright? Just look at me" 

Frank used to get panic attacks all those years ago as well, and Gerard was always the one to help him out with them. For the last few years Frank just had to try to deal with them on his own, but now Gerard was here again. He placed his hands on Frank's shoulders and made him look in his eyes. 

"C'mon just follow my breathing okay? Slow it right down" 

Frank did as he said and soon his breathing was more controlled and he was shaking a lot less. "Let's go sit down for a bit ok?" Gerard suggested. He guided Frank over to a nearby bench and knelt infront of him, holding his hands. "Breathe Frankie breathe. You're okay" he soothed. 

Frank felt so embarrassed that Gerard had to do this. Before, he had no problem because he knew that he was happy to do it. But things have changed, they've both changed and they were just barely friends. Yet Gerard showed no sign of being uncomfortable as he continued to rub Frank's leg and assure him that everything is okay. 

Once he was completely calm Gerard stood up and offered him a hand. "Maybe caffeine isn't a good idea right now, why don't we go back to my place?" He suggested. Frank wasn't sure what to say, so he just stared at him awkawrdly until then he nodded. 

"Y-yeah, okay sure"


	5. Memory Lane

Gerard's house held so many memories between them both. It was difficult for Frank to see the same old house but so, so different. The sofa they used to curl up and watch movies on was now replaced. The pictures hung up on the wall of them all together were now taken down. Frank hoped that he hadn't just thrown them out, that they were just hidden away in a draw or something. The carpet was the same he noticed, however the huge rug that said "MCR" in huge horror font was no longer there. That was understandable he supposed. 

The first time he'd had an anxiety attack infront of Gerard was here. Gee sat him down on the old sofa, knelt down infront of him and grabbed his hands. After Frank had somewhat calmed down, Gerard got them both some ice cream and a bottle of beer while they watched whatever crap was on TV. Gerard would lay behind him and have his arms wrapped tightly around his chest. The fact that Frank was so much smaller than him made it easier for him to wrap Frank up in his arms. 

He wasn't sure how much longer he could spend here, surrounded by wonderful memories that no longer meant anything. For years he'd wished to be able to see Gerard again, yet now that he has he's done nothing but miss their relationship more. He thought just seeing him as a friend would be enough to get over him, but it wasn't. He had come to the conclusion that he would never get over Gerard, and that was that. 

So why was he still here? Why didn't he just leave and never make contact again? He'd done it for this long, what difference would it make? It's not as if they'd ever be a thing again so what was the point in even being here, hurting himself with the reminder of what they were...what they still could have been if he didn't push Gerard to do something he wasn't okay with. He was such an idiot. Both their stubbornness amounted to a fight that didn't have to happen. Perfectly happy hearts that didn't have to break, but still did. A perfectly healthy relationship to just stop and shatter. If only he could have done something different. 

He was broken from his thoughts when Gerard handed him a beer. Hesitatantly, he grabbed the bottle and took a sip. "Thanks" he uttered quietly.  
"I think we should talk" Gerard said. "We just left things, we can't keep avoiding the subject forever"  
This was true, but Frank wasn't sure he was mentally strong enough to talk about it right now. Either way, it looked like he had little choice so he nodded shyly. 

"I'm gonna be honest with you, that day is my biggest regret. I just wish it ended differently. I'm surprised you actually don't hate me. I was such a fucking dick. You didn't deserve that, you never have deserved that. I always wanted to protect you, to make you happy. But I didn't. I became everything I wanted to keep you safe from. I don't really know what else to say other than I'm sorry. God Frankie I'm so, so sorry" 

Tears were falling down his cheeks freely by now. Frank didn't know what the hell to say. 

"Gee...of course I don't hate you. I lo-" he stopped in his tracks. His heart rate increased severely and he realised what he'd nearly said.  
"I- I missed you" he said trying to cover up, but he could tell Gerard knew what he was about to say. Frank shook his head embarrassed and tried to think of something he could say to change the subject. 

"I missed you too" Gerard whispered softly. He looked into Frank's now watery eyes and sighed subtly. The man before him let a tear slip so he wiped it gently with his thumb. 

There was little space between them, they were so close and both their hearts were beating increasingly fast. Gee's finger tips graced Frank's cheek bone and a small wave of confidence washed over him. He closed the gap between them and crashed his lips against Frank's quickly. He expected the other man to pull away, but he didn't. After a couple of seconds he began to kiss back. Because of the lack of air they were getting, the finally pulled away. Frank was smiling wildly and breathing heavily. 

"I-I'm sorry, I don't know what I was doing I just- I just" 

"It's okay" Frank assured. "It's okay" 

His emotions were all over the place, but he felt good. He felt really good.


	6. What are we?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a ltitle bit shorter than usual but I hope you like it anyway (sorry for the lack of updating aswell but it's been Christmas XD)

People had seen them together. It was only a matter of time before fans had begun to freak out and post it all over to Internet. They couldn't deny it any longer. Frank just didn't want fans to get their hopes up too high about a reunion, as that wasn't likely to happen.

However, at the moment the majority of the fans just seemed pleased that they were seen hanging out. It made Frank wonder why Gee didn't want anyone to know about them before. By the sounds of things, they'd all be overjoyed at the idea of 'frerard' being real. 

"Gerard" he began quietly. "People have seen us together. It's all over twitter"  
Gerard didn't reply, he just nodded his head in understanding. He didn't seem to care, and Frank didn't know whether that was a good thing or something he should be worried about. "They shouldn't care about what we do in our own time" he said as-a-matter-of-factly 

Frank shook his head. "They should and they do, they care about us. Plus it's all positive stuff. Its nothing we should have to hide from" 

Gerard's heart broke at Frank's face. He looked disappointed, as if he'd just said something he shouldn't have. Gerard doesn't blame him though, last time he mentioned not hiding their relationship anymore bad things happened. He felt bad about that, like he'd somehow managed to break Frank. He was pretty sure he did. He seemed a lot more jittery and a lot less trusting since that day. Gee could tell this and he'd only been back in Frank's life for less than a week. Frank was broken, and it was his fault. Therefore, he made it his mission to fix him. 

"We shouldn't deny it, but I don't think we should mention it either. Not right now" Gerard said taking Frank's hand in his. He nodded and looked up at the older man. "G-gee? What are we?" He asked quietly. 

The older man thought for a second. It was a question that he definitely was not expecting although he should have. Frank was bound to ask this. Gerard sighed and looked into Frank's beautiful sad brown eyes. "I don't know right now, I don't want to rush things. I'm afraid if we go too fast we might mess things up, I don't want that to happened" Gerard admitted. 

Frank nodded in agreement and lay his head against the other man's shoulder gently. A warm hand, belonging to Gerard, ran through his hair lovingly whilst the other hand was busy holding his. Frank had to admit that he'd missed this a lot. Being so close to Gee made him feel safe and loved. This was something that he'd rarely experienced within the last three years, until now.

Although he hated to idea of waiting, and he just wanted everything to go back to how it was years ago he knew that wasn't possible. So he'd made a mental note not to rush things and mess them up like he did before. He was given another chance, and like hell if he wasn't gonna take it. 

He moved the rest of his body on top of Gerald's and curled up, relishing in the warmth and comfort. Gerard wrapped an arm around the younger boy and lightly kissed his temple in a loving manner. "G'night Frankie " he whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and Kudoses are massively appreciated, lemme know how you're enjoying this so far x


	7. An unexpected guest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone unexpected turns up at Gerard's door.

They had both managed to fall asleep on Gerard's couch curled up together that night. Gerard began to stir and wondered why he couldn't stretch or even move, until he opened his eyes and saw Frank's sleeping form on top of him. He no longer minded not being able to move or the extra weight on top of him as the younger man snored softly. Gerard smiled and stared to stroke the matted hair out of Frank's face.

Somehow Gerard had forgotten how much of a light sleeper Frank was. The slightest noise or movement made him jolt awake, which is exactly what happened now. "Hey hey" Gerard whispered. "Shh calm down it's just me" he spoke calmly stroking circles on his hand to calm him down. Frank nodded and took a deep breath. "Sorry for waking you" Gerard said softly. Frank shook his head and insisted it was fine.

Gee made them both some coffee and a bacon sandwich for breakfast, which Frank gratefully accepted. They ate together in comfortable silence until there was a knock on the door. Gerard checked his watch and saw that it was already 1pm. 'Shit' he thought and rushed to the door to answer it. When he opened the door he saw that his brother Mikey was stood there. He yawned and motioned for him to come in. "As much as I love surprise visits from my baby brother, why the fuck are you here man?" Gerard asked mid yawn. Mikey shook his head and smiled at his older brother. "I think the question is, why do you look as if you've just woken up at 1 in the afternoon?" He asked. The oldest Way smiled and shrugged. "Slept in" he answered shortly.

"So why are you here?" He asked. Mikey pulled a fake offended face and gasped dramatically. "Can't a man just visit his big brother without a reason ?" He said. "Is there something you specifically need? I'm sorta busy right now" Gerard said scratching his neck awkwardly. Mikey chuckled. "Yeah seems like it" he said sarcasticly. He walked into the kitchen and stopped in his tracks when he saw who was sitting at the table. "Holy shit, Frank?" He said clearly very surprised. "What are you doing here?"

Frank looked at the younger Way awkawrdly and shrugged. Mikey looked to Gerard who didn't give him much of an answer either. "So are you guys a thing again?" He asked. He wasn't being nosey, he just wanted a simple explanation as to why his brother's ex-boyfriend was at his house. "No" Frank answered quickly whilst Gerard simply said "yes". His tone of voice was a lot more calm and casual than Frank's. Mikey furrowed his brows in confusion. "So are you together or not?" He asked.

"Not officially" Gerard explained to his brother. "We met eachother again in a bar the other day and have hung out since then. It's not anything official _yet_  but we are trying again"

Mikey nodded seemingly understanding. "So Frank, I haven't seen you in forever how've you been?" He asked.  
"Yeah, yeah I'm okay. What about you? Gerard mentioned you had a baby on the way" he said. Mikey beamed with pride as he smiled. "Yep, with Kristen my fiancée" he said. Frank nodded as Gerard brought over another round of coffees and handed one to him. He kissed his temple as he went to pass Mikey his, making Frank turn red with embarrassment. Gerard took his place next to Frank and grabbed his hand from underneath the table as Mikey decided to go on about how he and Kristen met, and names they were thinking of for the baby.

Around half an hour later Mikey's phone buzzed. After checking it he announced that he had to go, so he said his goodbyes and have each of them a hug before he left. Frank was really happy.  
One: he expected Gerard to deny any chance of them being together, yet he didn't..  
Two: he didn't act all awkward about it infront of his brother  
Three: he hadn't seen Mikey in forever. It was good to catch up.

"You seem happy" Gerard commented whilst smiling. Frank chuckled and smiled even wider. "Yeah, I am"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again comments are appreciated, hope you enjoyed this chapter


	8. Chapter 8

Gerard had an idea, he wanted to try again with Frank but he didn't want to rush things and end up messing them up. He also couldn't simply expect everything to magically return to the way it was years ago without effort. He didn't mind putting in the time and the effort though, because Frank was worth it. What the hell he was thinking of when he ended things he will never know. He'd just been so tired of the same routine everyday; get up at 4am, get ready, eat at some shitty fast food place, reherse, be attacked by fans then perform until 12am, drink until 1am then get a shitty nights sleep until they do it all again the next day. It was taking its toll on all of them and he was sick of nothing changing. So, he changed the one thing he *could* change in his life; his relationship with Frank. Obviously, that hadn't been a good decision. Infact no, it was the worst decision of his life. However, it seems that whoever the fuck is up there, is on his side for some reason and he's been given another chance. 

"Hey Frank, you wanna go out today?" He asked. Frank turned around and looked at him slightly confused, which was understandable since Gerard's question was completely out of the blue. "Where to?" He asked, staring up at Gerard with such sweet, innocent eyes. "I was thinking just out to dinner somewhere, or whatever I don't mind" he began to stutter, he had no idea why he was so nervous. It was only Frank, there'd been a time when they were comfortable enough to tell eachother anything. Yet now they were fidgety around eachother, as if they were trying to figure out what to say that wouldn't scare the other person off. This would have been okay, if it wasn't almost every single word they spoke to one another. 

"Sure, that sounds great" Frank beamed, making Gerard smile. He'd also loved to see Frank happy, which is why ending it had been so hard for him. Frank seemed to have changed so much at first glance, but with further conversation he was still his Frankie. That term was bitter-sweet to him. *his* Frankie. The idea of it made him smile like the Cheshire Cat, but the realisation that it wasn't true anymore wiped the smile completely off his face. It was true, there's no denying that, but it's not true anymore. Gerard just had to deal with that. 

"What're you thinking about?" Frank asked innocently. Gerard thought for a second, what was he thinking about? Or at least what was he going to tell Frank he was thinking of?   
Gerard sighed and looked the younger man in the eyes, not ignoring the pool of nervousness that built up in his stomach. "About how much I want to do this" he whispered, and before Frank even had chance to think of questioning it, Gerard crashed his lips against Frank's and didn't pull away awkwardly like he'd initially thought he would. Instead, he continued, especially as Frank started to kiss back. 

He reached his hand up to curl around Frank's soft brown locks, the other hand placed comfortably on his waste. Soon enough Frank felt Gerard's tongue graze his bottom lip, just begging for access, which he immediately accepted. He moaned quietly as he felt Gerard explore his mouth. 

Frank felt like he was on fire, but in a good way. If there was a good way to be set of fire. His mind was clouded but right now he really didn't care. He wanted this moment to last forever. Unfortunately, like many things in life, it couldn't. Soon enough they needed to catch their breath.   
"F-frank?" Gerard mumbled.   
Frank looked up to Gerard and nodded  
"I love you" he whispered.  
Frank had no idea just how much he'd missed hearing those words. He broke down in tears yet smiled wider than he ever had before.  
"I love you too Gee"


End file.
